Are you sacrificing your own happiness for the sake of you children? Do you feel unhappy as a result of being a full time parent?" This is a topic that was requested and I thought I'd give you my opinion on it.
Relationships are complicated enough, but when kids are involved many parents feel that everything must be about the children and they should come first. While this is true and expected in our society, I feel there must be a balance in this area. Now I didn't give birth in this lifetime to children, but I have had my husband's daughters in my life now for nine years and have been a step mom for nearly four years. I can say from experience that balance is the key to true happiness in this area because if you aren't happy how can that be healthy for the children?
When I first met my husband, he was angry over his painful divorce and over compensated with his children, totally putting them first and trying to give them as much love as possible. It was difficult for me at first because I felt like the low man on the totem pole and many times dates were canceled due to their needs. They were age 5 and 10 at the time and I was not use to this, but totally understood. Many times we did things together and I often cooked their favorite foods, watched movies with them and hung out with other couples who had children just to have time with him.
As time went on things got better because kids want their independence and want to spend more time with their friends, but being a parent never stops. You must always think of them and put their needs first. However, I made it clear to my man that I had needs and he had to also think about them. So we created what we call "Date night" and those nights were all about me and what I wanted. Most couples need to have alone time together without kids and without them calling you constantly unless it's an emergency. If you sit them down and discuss this with them, you must explain why it's important to have this balance in your life and that it takes nothing away from them. They usually want their time with their friends and as they grow older, get boyfriends and girlfriends, they so understand and respect this.
It's healthy to sometimes be selfish and take the needed time for yourself. It makes you a better parent, a happier person and it provides the necessary intimacy for your relationship. Kids should not take over your life, they should add to your life and teaching them by example is what's best. Because one day they will have intimate relationships of their own and kids of their own and they will remember this.
So don't feel guilty about having intimate time with your mate. Make that time for your relationship to thrive and grow and make it clear to the children that it's a normal, healthy thing to do for all concerned.