Mike: “This is great. This gives me hope. Thanks.”
- Say Anything
I love the early Cameron Crowe teen-romance flick Say Anything. It’s a sweet story of noble underachiever (John Cusack as Lloyd Dobler) and a beautiful valedictorian (Ione Skye as Diane Court) falling in love the summer before she goes off to college. It’s a great example of a not-so-hot guy getting a super-hot girl to go out with him. How? He asked. He knew who he was and who he wanted. Then he simply went after her—with gusto. Now, so must you. If you haven’t seen the movie, get it. Watch it. Learn from Lloyd.
If you are reading my book SCORE you’re already well on your way to making the bold move of asking a hot woman out on a date. You’ve learned a lot, starting with knowing that it’s possible. You also know what kind of girl you want and what you have to offer her. You’ve also made the effort to package yourself to attract a great woman. You even know where to go to find the woman of your dreams. Now, all you need to do is muster the guts to ask her out. I encourage you to continue with your affirmations through this crucial stage of putting the knowledge you’ve acquired into the action:
“Hot women love to go out with me because... (Something from your why-they’re-lucky-to-have-you list)”
“Hot women give me their number because...I’m funny.”
“Hot women say yes to a date with me because...I’m generous.”
“Hot women are attracted to me because...I’m respectful.”
This is also a good time to add to the list of things you have to offer. I bet you can add another ten reasons why a sexy woman would want to go on a date with you.
If you haven’t done these steps, don’t worry. It’s never too late to start SCORE http://www.ScoreTheBook.com.
I have a simple Ask Her Out Formula to get your Dream Girl to say “yes” to a date with you. Here is what you do:
Make Eye Contact, Smile
, Say Hello
, Give Her a Compliment, Ask a Question, Ask Her Out
REALLY. IT’S THAT SIMPLE. It’s not brain surgery. It’s not magic. It’s easy. Let me break it down for you.
Make Eye Contact
Eye contact is essential if you want to connect with a woman. It’s a powerful communication that says loud and clear “I like what I see.” It tells her she has caught your eye. Eye contact does not mean stare her down like a hungry tiger eying his prey. Looking a woman in the eyes is very intimate and at the same time aggressive. It also compels her to look back at you. Eye contact is where it all begins. Let it linger for the count of three. One one thousand...Two one thousand...three one thousand...and then...
Smiling is contagious. It works wonders. So many people go around not smiling that when you do smile you’ll stick out like a neon pink T-shirt at a funeral. If you smile, you will shine and she will notice. She’ll think, “Wow. What a nice guy. I wish I knew him,” and she’ll smile back. If she holds eye contact and smiles, you’re in. She’s interested. Game on. That’s your cue to approach her and...
Really it’s OK. People can talk to each other. Believe me, you won’t be struck by lightning for saying hello to a pretty girl. I know it may seem daunting to be so bold as to speak to a real live beautiful woman. The best way to avoid a panic attack when doing so is to practice. Go for a walk. Don’t look down and frown like everyone else in town. Instead, do the opposite. Engage with the women around you. Say “Hi” to the lovely lady instead of hoping she doesn’t notice your unshaven face and dirty T-shirt. You’re beyond that. You’re the new you. You’re wearing your clean, crisp, casual uniform and know that you have something to offer. So, be like Lloyd. Say hello. Say anything.
Give Her a Compliment
It’s basic human psychology. If you make a woman feel good about herself, she will in turn feel good about you. A woman may fain not to care when you tell her you “love the freckles on her shoulders.” But, take it from someone who knows, she will remember every word you say if it is a genuine observation. Unique compliments about qualities that are important to her self-esteem will indeed get you everywhere, especially when the woman is über-sexy.
For example: That statuesque, buxom Brazilian may respond well when you compliment her looks. But, believe me, she’ll cream when you compliment her intelligence, her voice, her smile, or whatever you sense is an important quality that most people will overlook because she is so smokin’ hot. Just don’t go overboard and compare her to the Mona Lisa or quote Shakespeare or any other ridiculous over-the-top lameness. Women will easily detect if a compliment is your standard pickup line. Don’t bother. That kind of fake flattery will get you nowhere.
Ask a Question
Asking questions keeps conversation going. Don’t ask yes and no questions about meaningless things like, “So, do you come here often?” or “Nice weather we’re having, eh?” Ask real questions that show you are interested in her—for more than her great rack—like “I noticed your iPad. I was thinking of getting one. What do you like about it?” or “I see you ride your bike to work. That’s cool. How’d you get into that?” Questions based on actual observations about your lady of interest will put her at ease and show her you genuinely have noticed her and like her for who she is.
This is the secret special trick, guys, so pay attention. Compliments are nice, but they are especially potent when paired with a question. Why? Because it initiates conversation. If you give a compliment-wrapped question to a woman, it prompts her to answer. You can then engage her in a chat with further questions about something that genuinely pertains to her and that she’s interested in sharing. Don’t talk about something random like the weather. Instead, talk about her. It will actually lead to something. Here is an example of a compliment-question hybrid:
You say: I noticed your arms. They’re really toned. Do you do yoga?
She says: Oh. Thanks. Uh... yes. I do.
You say: I just started going to classes. What kind do you do?
She says: Hatha Flow
You say: I heard of that. What is it exactly?
She says: It’s a lot of linking postures and moving through poses. It’s really fun, and a great workout.
You say: That sounds great. I could use a class like that. Where’s a good place to go?
She says: Well, I like Rachel’s class at Equinox.
You say: Cool. Do you know which days she teaches? She says: She has a class Saturday afternoon.
You say: Oh, great, thanks. Are you going this Saturday? She says: Uh... Maybe.
You say: Well. I hope to see you there sometime.
Congratulations! You just turned a cliché come-on line like “You must work out” into a potential go-where-she-goes- place, which can lead to an actual real live day-date.
Ask Her Out
Whether you meet her and connect right away or go where she goes to and establish a further connection, don’t dillydally. Once you’ve engaged her in some serious one-on-one conversation—and I don’t mean a drawn-out courtship of becoming friends, I just mean a few minutes alone where she is actually looking at you, smiling, and talking to you because you’ve followed the Make eye contact-Smile-Say hello-Give her a compliment-Ask a question Formula—just do it. Get right to the point. Be direct and clear and positive. Don’t be wishy-washy:
I don’t know. But, maybe, I mean, if you’re not busy...we could hang out some time” will not get the job done. Be a man and state your business. I suggest using “I” messages when asking a woman out. For example:
“I really think you’re great. I’d love to take you to dinner.”
I’m single. If you’re available, I’d like to take you out sometime.”
“I’d really like to take you out on a date. Could I please get your number so I can call you?”
It’s not that hard. The worst that can happen is that she’ll say:
Thanks, but no thanks”. “Sorry, I have a boyfriend.” or
“I’m not interested.”
Big deal. At least you know. At least you won’t waste your time wondering what she’d say if you got up the nerve to ask her.
If she seems to make a lame blow-off excuse like, “I’m really busy” just be charmingly straightforward, smile, and say:
“Should I keep asking?”
If she’s really not interested she’ll say, “Look, I’m not interested.”
However, you may have a shot if she says, “Maybe another time.”
Just don’t let the cat-and-mouse game drag on for more than a few weeks, or she’s just having a hard time letting you down and you don’t want to waste any more of your valuable time that could be spent in the arms of your Dream Girl.
Remember, one of the essential qualities that your perfect woman should have is that She is into You. If she’s obviously not interested in you, then move on. There are plenty of other hot babes out there who would be lucky to have you. If “She is totally into me” or “She likes me back” or “She is crazy about me” is not on your list of qualities your Dream Girl possesses, get out your pen and paper and put them on the list now. Do it!
Bottom Line: Your Dream Girl can never say “yes” to a date with you unless you get yourself together and ask.
Learn what to do with your Dream Girl once you get her to go out with you in Kira Reed’s book SCORE!