Uncovering the answers of what drives desire and what creates a particular fascination was my favorite part of my job. As an embedded reporter in the sexual underworld, I loved putting myself in other people’s shoes... or latex, or body paint, or pony gear, or ropes, or chains, or clothes pins, or chocolate sauce, or... whatever excited them. I was turned on by being able to walk the line between journalist and participant and, every once in a while, cross nine toes over it. Ultimately, what I learned is that there is a fetish for everything . And, if you think you are alone in what gets you off, you’re wrong. There is nothing that isn’t a turn-on to someone, and if you are into something “bizarre,” don’t worry—there is some Hot Chick somewhere in the world that is into it too.

However, at least at the beginning of a relationship, avoid getting too into what you’re into. Don’t go nuts with the hair pulling, plastic wrapping, erotic asphyxiating, dressing up like Iron Man, or whatever it is you do out of the mainstream-ordinary on the first visit to the bedroom. If you really need a fetish fix to get even remotely excited, try going for a little taste of it. If you like to be dominant, attempt a light tap on her ass to see if she’s responsive. However, don’t overdo it the first time out. A little spanking goes a long way for someone who doesn’t include it in her own sexual repertoire.

Let’s say you have a “trample ” fetish. You may scare her off if you ask her to walk across your chest and stomp on your balls with her high heels. However if you simply say, “I like it when you leave your shoes on ,” she may enjoy wearing her sexy stilettos to bed. You can then slowly, over time, work in some more advanced scenarios for your mutual enjoyment. Save the heavy machinery like restraints, nipple clamps, double- ended dildos, whips, chains, and milking devices for future dates—and only introduce her to your deviant practices after you’ve discussed your mutual interests. Hopefully, she will find some level of eroticism in your interests as well, especially if you can help her understand why  it is you like it.

Build Your Sex Toy Box

Though you don’t want to whip out your vibrating bullets, beads, and balls on your first intimate date with a woman, it is good to be prepared for anything, including dates four, five, six... and so on. I recommend building a Sex Toy Box. There are few essential “sex-cessories” that everyone should have on hand besides condoms and lube. They are a vibrator, a blindfold, and padded handcuffs.

I live in Los Angeles and there are plenty of places to unabashedly shop for sex toys. I’m sure you have a sex shop in your hometown as well, but if not, sex toys are what mail order and the Internet were invented for. No matter where you live, I recommend visiting California Exotic Novelties (http://www.calexotics.com). I produced a show about the company for Playboy and was lucky enough to be sent home with three lifetime supplies of sex-enhancing devices of all shapes and sizes. Needless to say, my Secret Santa gifts that year were all the rage. The Cal Exotics name is synonymous with great quality adult toys, and there is definitely something for everyone. Check them out to get:

A Vibrator
When choosing a vibrator that both you and your Dream Girl can enjoy together, my advice is to stay away from realistic (cock-looking) devices. That’s what we have you for. We don’t need a stand-in. Go for something pretty and fun like purple, clear, or metallic. A vibrator is not meant to replace you but to add to your roster of ways you can please your lady. I don’t know any woman who doesn’t enjoy a nice vibrating wand of some sort now and again for a change of pace. Some of my tried and true favorites include The Jack Rabbit and The Magic Wand  and handheld varieties by Dr. Laura Berman, like the Danae. When in doubt, get several shapes and sizes.

A Blindfold
A blindfold is one of the most versatile items that can be used for sex play. I mean, what woman doesn’t get excited recalling the Mickey Rourke/Kim Basinger blindfolded-by-the-refrigerator-covered-in-honey scene from 9 1⁄2 Weeks. Keep your lover in the dark with a silky, lined blindfold available at most pleasure stores. Or, you can make one with a scarf or even her stockings. Just slip something over her eyes and take control of her sense of sight, which, in turn, will heighten all of her other senses.

Padded Handcuffs
Get your bondage on in a soft and sexy way by restraining her with some fur-lined or leather cuffs. They will offer a smooth, pleasurable feeling while maintaining a sexy sense of constraint. Look for the kind that has an attached ring, which allows you to connect the cuffs to the bed or any other furniture. Be sure they are padded so they don’t cut her wrists, but stick to black color in case you ever want to play up your dark, sinister side down the road. It’s hard to pull off a damsel in distress scenario with pink, furry cuffs.

You should also include in your Sex Toy Box  any costume or accessories that transform you or her into someone or something that turns you on, like a stethoscope to play doctor, thigh-high stockings, cat o’nine tails, latex gloves ... or whatever floats your boat. However, skip the blow-up dolls and molded porn star parts. Your Dream Girl won’t appreciate the competition.

All the accessories aside, if you perfect the art of kissing, caress her whole body, tell her how beautiful she is, go down good, and mix up positions - all covered in sexy detail in my book SCORE http://www.ScoreTheBook.com - you will score enough points to win the girl of your dreams again and again. So, save some of the kinkier stuff and secret stash of goodies for keeping future dates fresh.

ABOUT KIRA

Kira Reed is an actress, television host, sex symbol, writer, and producer. After graduating UCLA’s School of Theatre Film and Television, she enjoyed a prolific on-camera career including a seven–year stint as a reporter for Playboy TV’s Sexcetera . Kira was the writer and supervising producer of the travel reality series 69 Sexy Things 2 Do Before You Die  and is currently an entertainment reporter for Associated Television International and the spokesperson for MyMedicalRecords.com. She lives in Los Angeles with her husband Bob Lorsch and their menagerie of rescue animals. See more of This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..